Confessions.

Of an Adult Toy Rep

Confessions of an Adult Toy Rep

1. Chasing The Bone

Prelude: So there I was at 11.30pm standing amid waist-high grass in a stranger's badly overgrown garden, desperately searching for my prized dildo..

On this particular evening I had a presentation booked for 8.30pm and as was company policy, I arrived at the appointed address half an hour early. This extra time allowed me to both acquaint myself with the hosts and carefully set up my numerous displays. As is the norm with these types of parties, guests usually start appearing within a few minutes of the starting time and then in dribs and drabs afterwards. But an hour into this particular event, not one person had arrived; an incredibly awkward situation for all involved.

While the apologetic hosts made a series of phone calls to their absent friends and family members, I respected their privacy and headed into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Ten minutes later, I was excitedly informed that the guests would in fact be attending, however this would be happening only after the pub had closed. I added an extra sugar to my steaming brew and prepared myself for a long night.

At 11pm a few tardy inebriates began to stagger in. They were all friendly enough, yet obviously far too drunk to absorb any of my rehearsed pitch let alone focus clearly on my proposed presentations.

Just as I was seriously considering packing away my gear and heading home, the front door swung open to reveal four more guests. As the late arrivals were focused on being greeted by their hosts, no-one noticed that the family dog had sneaked indoors alongside them.

It wasn't too long before the gate-crashing terrier made his presence known. After frantically performing a series of high speed laps around the front room and managing to knock over each seated person's drink, the crazy canine who was strictly an outdoor dog, made a beeline for my largest display item, 'The Pearl Boy'. Inspired by pearl divers who reputedly stored their finds under their foreskins, this vibrator not only rotated and vibrated, it also sported seven different functions including a clitoral stimulator.

None of these details made an iota of difference to the dog. To him, the most expensive product in the range looked suspiciously like his own purple rubber bone and he wanted it back. Within seconds the scruffy-haired pooch had jumped clean over the leather sofa, sprawling clumsily all over the resplendent display table, promptly grasped the colourful vibrator between its jaws and made a mad dash for freedom out the back door.

As I drove home later that night, I had only two things on my mind: finding a bottle shop that was still open and wondering how the hell I would explain to my manager the teeth-marks in our top-of-the-line demonstration vibrator..!

 

Jane Helen Croft

 


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